Here we go…

My whole life I have always dreamed of living a life of travel…of feeling the wind at my back and a stir in my soul.  I want to allow things to unfold and stop resisting the natural current of my path.  Having two young children to care for on a daily basis I have found myself buying into the ‘security’ of the pre-conceived life.  Recently I have realised that there is no ‘security’ in this existence, that we must give in to our base vulnerability in order to live fully and in the present moment.  At 40 years old I am taking stock of what is really important and finding ways to please my restless heart and fill my soul with the nourishment it deserves.

Heaven

This photo is from a camping trip my family took to Mitten Lake near Golden BC.  It is one that captures all I want in life.  I am deeply in love with the man in the plaid shirt, am inspired by the incredible determination and effortlessness of my two boys, and together we are on the edge of something incredibly beautiful.  Can we take the plunge?  Can we really design our own lives?

I have recently been struggling with intense headaches, wooziness, and a detached mental state.  Medical tests have been unsuccessful in diagnosing the issue.  I have had to give up work and am required to ‘rest’.  I feel on some level that this is a reset button…a painful yet important opportunity to just stop…stop trying, stop planning, stop fixing, stop chasing, stop doing and start being.  A friend once said to me  “we are supposed to be human beings but we spend all our time as human doings”.

I’m tired.  Chasing my tail has wrapped me in chains that just don’t fit.  I’m going to state my intentions here, hand them up to the universe, and then let go…

I want to travel the world, I want to write for a living (and a loving), I want to show my boys that they can do anything they want to do, I want to make money doing what I love to do, I want to cherish my marriage, I want to drink wine with incredible women, I want to inspire myself and those around me, I want to live in the home of my dreams, I want to receive a job offer that is too good to pass up.

I honour the feisty girl inside me…I hear her begging me to stop.  I hear her asking me to come play.  I am listening…

Yes, that's really me in all my seventh grade glory

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