Day 8 -Cease to Exist

Why Cease to Exist?  It is a play on Kyle Cease’s 100 day journey into 2 hours of daily meditation.  I have been so inspired by his revelations that I decided to take the leap myself.  In Ceasing, or stopping, for a while each day I am hoping to tap into my existence…to dig deep and uncover the hidden truth about my life and shed my limiting beliefs.  I don’t know if it is divine timing or bad luck but the start of my 100 day journey coincided perfectly with my decline back into post concussion syndrome hell.  The sages of the world, Cease included, say there are no coincidences so I am trying to see the hidden beauty in the wobbliness of my broken brain and silently allow it to be there.

I’ve had to cancel my medical appointments today as I feel rather strongly that I should not be driving.  My eyes are ‘off’ and even walking around the house is too much for me to bear.  I had a beautiful offer from a friend to come over and be my ‘personal assistant’ and was surprised by my resistance to that offer.  Why is it so hard to accept help when it is offered?  I’m not only in deep resistance to the medical condition that prevents me from doing things I need to do, but I’m also against getting help.  Where does that put me?  In misery.  Why would I want to be there?  Do I subconsciously believe that there has to be a level of misery in my life?

As I sat in meditation this morning I thought about this blog.  Why am I writing it?  Who is it for?  What does it mean?  Does it mean anything?  As I floated these ideas around in stillness I realized that I write because I am a writer.  Just as a hockey player needs a puck to play hockey, I need words to be a writer.  Writers write…they use words like a golfer uses golf balls…. I want to play.  That’s all.  Doing this makes me a writer and that’s what I want.  Thank you for playing with me.

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