Day 4 -Cease to Exist

It’s a much better day…like fresh air coming in the nostrils as soon as I woke up this morning.  My dear love bounced out of bed (after his customary grope) and left for work before the kids even woke up.  He is on fire.  We’re opening a new business and it lights him up.  Despite all the difficulties and pressures of this venture I can see so clearly that it is his calling.  It is incredible to watch and liberates me to do what I really love to do, which is love my children, be a good friend, wife and mother, sit in stillness and write.

Today in meditation I was quickly drawn in to feel deep love and respect for my body.  I felt an urge to thank first my toes and feet for always being there for me…for letting me dance and carrying me forward each day.  Then I thanked my ankles for never giving me any problems..for being so flexible and strong.  I was suddenly flooded with memories of snowboarding, tap dancing, running, jumping, and travelling where my feet and ankles provided the support I needed.  Then my shin bone spoke up and said that it was proud to support me, then the knees chimed in with their thoughts and I silently thanked them for allowing me to sit and stand and walk.  I told them I’d take better care of them and they laughed…silly knees.  Then my femurs grew warm and I had to thank them for helping me stand tall(ish).  I suddenly realized that I am like a house of cards and my legs are the bottom, always carrying the weight, and I’m grateful for that.  At this point my hips started groaning and I had to stretch a little to acknowledge them.  I felt a deep love for them as I realized that they cradled my baby boys before they were born.  They moved and shifted to accommodate them as they grew and then went back to the way they were after I gave birth.  I thanked them for that and felt overwhelmed by the love I have for my children….how fortunate I am to have them in my life.

Next up was the spine…I could feel each vertebrae as if someone was walking up my back like a ladder.  I realized just what a complicated puzzle I have beneath my skin and was filled with wonder at how it all fits so perfectly together without my having to do anything.  Spine told me it too has had a tough year since the car accident.  It asked me to listen to it and work with it to heal and I listened.  About half way up the ladder the ribs beamed with joy.  They said hello! and I suddenly saw them as a protective bear hug surrounding my heart and lungs.  It made me feel so loved and cared for to think of ribcage as being so loving and taking such good care of me.  Inside the warm hug was the heart…it beat strongly as I paid it some attention.  I thanked it for providing the rhythm of this dancing machine I call my body.  It was silent…only beating…there was a profound moment of calm.  Then the lungs drew in a huge breath and asked me to scream out as we pushed the air out again.  I could see them pink and alive and clear.  Stomach got in on the action by telling me everything is good down here…just send down some warm lemon water so they could do a little housekeeping.  I could hear a chorus of cheers as my intestines heard about the lemon water.  Again, I thanked them for all they do for me.

My shoulders begged for attention at that time and I suddenly sat up a bit straighter.  I could see that the arms hang of those strong bones and the weight of it all was something to bear.  My shoulders told me to sit up straight so the weight could be more balanced.  Then my ams chimed in and I saw myself holding my children.  I nearly wept.  Hands got in on the action by showing me how they help me do just about everything (even type this and raise the coffee to my mouth).  I’d never spent a single moment of my life being grateful to my hands and now I was unable to stop.  I kissed them gently and imagined myself touching my children’s beautiful faces.

At this point my neck and I had a moment.  I could see that it was damaged in the car accident and was working so hard to come back into alignment.  I thanked it for never giving up and it promised me that it would find its way back to health.  As I focussed on my skull and brain, I kid you not, I heard loud and clearly, music and all,  “This is ground control to Major Tom!”  I giggled out loud.  If my brain is ground control who is Major Tom?  This thought rolled around for a while and the answer still makes me smile.

love

My beautiful little boy painted this for me.

 

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2 thoughts on “Day 4 -Cease to Exist

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