Here we go…

My whole life I have always dreamed of living a life of travel…of feeling the wind at my back and a stir in my soul.  I want to allow things to unfold and stop resisting the natural current of my path.  Having two young children to care for on a daily basis I have found myself buying into the ‘security’ of the pre-conceived life.  Recently I have realised that there is no ‘security’ in this existence, that we must give in to our base vulnerability in order to live fully and in the present moment.  At 40 years old I am taking stock of what is really important and finding ways to please my restless heart and fill my soul with the nourishment it deserves.

Heaven

This photo is from a camping trip my family took to Mitten Lake near Golden BC.  It is one that captures all I want in life.  I am deeply in love with the man in the plaid shirt, am inspired by the incredible determination and effortlessness of my two boys, and together we are on the edge of something incredibly beautiful.  Can we take the plunge?  Can we really design our own lives?

I have recently been struggling with intense headaches, wooziness, and a detached mental state.  Medical tests have been unsuccessful in diagnosing the issue.  I have had to give up work and am required to ‘rest’.  I feel on some level that this is a reset button…a painful yet important opportunity to just stop…stop trying, stop planning, stop fixing, stop chasing, stop doing and start being.  A friend once said to me  “we are supposed to be human beings but we spend all our time as human doings”.

I’m tired.  Chasing my tail has wrapped me in chains that just don’t fit.  I’m going to state my intentions here, hand them up to the universe, and then let go…

I want to travel the world, I want to write for a living (and a loving), I want to show my boys that they can do anything they want to do, I want to make money doing what I love to do, I want to cherish my marriage, I want to drink wine with incredible women, I want to inspire myself and those around me, I want to live in the home of my dreams, I want to receive a job offer that is too good to pass up.

I honour the feisty girl inside me…I hear her begging me to stop.  I hear her asking me to come play.  I am listening…

Yes, that's really me in all my seventh grade glory

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13 thoughts on “Here we go…

  1. (first, hope they get the medical stuff sussed soon. That is no fun at all.)
    I believe we can do anything – or be anything – we want to be. It’s just a matter of choosing, and sounds like you’ve already made some choices 😀 We’re going the opposite route right now – we’ve spent ten plus years being kind of “out there” so now we’re focusing more on trying the so-called “normal” lifestyle. We’ll see how it goes.
    In the meantime, sending you good vibes and wishes for lots of luck! You can do it! 🙂

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    • It’s so funny that you’re trying to be more normal and I’ve decided to dive into the weird waters of the unknown. I was weird when I was younger then became so normal as a parent thinking it would somehow buffer us against the fears that are inherent in parenting and supply us with the security that we need. But security is a myth and there is nothing more secure than the knowledge that we are all deeply okay if we let ourselves be.

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  2. Wow Joanne, beautifully said. I was pleasantly surprised to see myself in your wishes and for once I feel like I am not alone in my dreams and wants. We CAN do this. We can be masters of our own universe. Keep writing your posts and I will keep reading them. Thank you for your post.

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    • I’m starting to see that none of us are alone. We are born into the loving arms of our parents and have the opportunity to experience our lives with so many people. Our feelings of loneliness are self built.

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    • Hello Jenn, long time no see. Were you taught as a child that dreams can come true or were you taught that hard work pays off? I was taught to work and that dreams can be fun but are also not real. I’ve changed my mind.

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